Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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