I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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