so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
