We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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