what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
