I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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