I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
