halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
