I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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