Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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