My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
