just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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