All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
