Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
