I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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