just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i dont even know how to be here
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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