Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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