The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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