there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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