So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
