haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
