So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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