You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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