honey bunches of taint.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
