yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
