guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
