he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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