he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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