Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
