if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
