That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
