I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
