Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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