And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
