It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We don't watch enough power rangers
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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