K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
