i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And then my night got REAL pukey
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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