I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
