i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
