wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
