if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
