There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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