the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
