I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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