i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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