sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
