I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
