soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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