i jhust puked up my retainher.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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