What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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